Limerence
by AdrianVasile
Summary: The heart can ache in various ways when it's hurt by the one that you love. But when Makoto finds himself in that situation, he can't help but want to give up on the one he loves. The pain of unrequited love overwhelms him, especially since the one in his way is a childhood friend. That is one main obstacle in his way. WARNING: Rating will go up in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I haven't been around to update anything due to family complications. I'll try to update this daily until I move at the end of the month, and after that, we'll see what happens. Please R&amp;R guys. Thank you so much. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Free! characters, or anything related. **

That day, the image of the horror burned in the back of my mind. I couldn't just wish away these images. That was impossible. But if I could, I sure as hell would.

One sunny morning, I went to go pick Haru up before school just as I normally did. But as I knocked on the door, told him I was coming in and I opened the door to a world of misfortune, I saw something I can't get out of my mind. Haru was under Rin, the two in a passionate dance of sensuality. The one person I could ever love was covered in a film of sweat, his face twisted in pleasure. It was a type of face I wanted to see only for myself. And I felt that pitiful jealousy and agonizing despair fill my heart at that moment. I did nothing but run, run as fast as I could to school at that moment.

Laying in bed now, unable to pull myself up, I couldn't fight off the rippling pain in my chest. Maybe it was partially my fault for being so selfless and considering my best friend's feelings in all of this. But also, how could he be so reckless, and cruel, fucking Rin in the bathroom at that hour, _knowing _I'd be there to pick him up? It made me want to scream out, to cry, releasing the cluster of emotions I was feeling.

Since that day about three days ago, I hadn't had the heart to go pick up Haru. The memories would come rushing back if I did. Seeing him in class was painful enough, ripping my heart out just by speaking to me. I don't think he knew I was there that day, and maybe that's better. Because having him confront me about it might be worse.

Finally dragging myself out of bed, I grabbed my phone off my nightstand. I had about five text messages, all but one from Nagisa. One message was from Haru. The way it was worded, he seemed worried that I wasn't in school today. Honestly, I needed a break from seeing him. My heart needed a break.

Though, I found myself in the lovesick position where I yearned to hear his voice, even if it was just for a moment, even if I felt so much pain afterwards. Sure, I sounded like a masochist, but I _needed _his voice right now. Iwould take any repercussions necessary.

Dialing the necessary numbers, I heard the dial tone start to go off in my ear. As I was waiting, I ruffled my chaotic hair back into place.

"Makoto?" A smooth, worried voice answered on the other line.

"Oh, hello, Haru. I got your message just now. I was resting," I told him as cheerfully as I could manage. Hearing him care for me the slightest bit broke my heart into a billion pieces. Right now, the pain was dulled by my own fantasies. I was delusional to what I thought could be. Haru was unaware of my feelings, and because of that, he'll continue to blindly love Rin.

"So you're sick? That's why you didn't come to school today?"

I nodded before answering, "Yeah, I'm feeling a bit under the weather. I should be back to school tomorrow though."

I heard shallow breathing coming from the other. "I'll see you tomorrow then," he muttered, before hanging up immediately.

This was classic Haru. He never had much to say. I was normally the one guessing what was on his mind, and spending countless hours with him until it made my heart sick. But you know what? I wanted to. I loved him more than I could love anyone else. I wanted to make sure he was on time for school, and he was eating properly. I wanted to make sure that he wasn't hurting the same way I was. I just- I wanted to love him the way Rin was, except not _just _with my body. I had the urge to love him with my heart and soul as well. But my best friend couldn't see that I had eyes only for him. It was just so painful.

Collapsing back onto my soft, messy bed, I sighed. It took every ounce of my being not to scream or cry. Unrequited love was worse than a broken bone. It was worse than a burn. It felt like your whole being was being rejected. I couldn't bear it for much longer.

I flipped over, and buried my face in my pillow. It smelled newly washed, like the jasmine-scented detergent that my mother bought. A feeling of comfort washed over me. My family would be here for me through anything. I could count on them to help me work through the pain, especially my mom. And if that didn't work, I always had my swimming. I have ways to push through this.

Hugging my pillow close to my chest, I lwt out some of my tears, the tears for my beloved Haru. I wish he could see, or at least hear how I felt. That would make this a hell of a lot easier.

After about ten minutes of releasing my pent-up emotions, I felt tired. So pitiful and tired. My puffy red eyes were beginning to flutter closed and I wasn't going to fight it. If I had a nightmare, I didn't care. If I had a pleasant dream, I was fine with that too. I just wanted to escape reality for a couple of hours. If I could wake up refreshed, and forget the feelings that I was having while I was awake before, than I'd be fine. Any type of self-medication to rid the pain for now.

When I did sleep, I dreamed of the ocean. And anything with the ocean, means I'm tossing and turning and having a nightmare. It wasn't any better than being awake.

A'N: Sorry Chapter 1 was a little short. I will update tomorrow with a much more exciting chapter I hope. Love you all!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So here is Chapter 2! I'm really liking how this is coming out. I hope you guys will like it too. Continue to read and review please! Here it is.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Free! **

I didn't want to. I _really _didn't want to, but my mom made me. She told me to stop moping around the house and go back to school. Of course, she knew me better than anyone, and could tell I was doing just that. I was sulking around and not making any use of myself. So, the next day, I returned to school, and I faced the beautiful demon that filled my nightmares.

Haru greeted me with a blank face, so different than the one that was carved in my memory. "Makoto."

"Good morning, Haru," I greeted in return with my overly-cheerful tone. I didn't want to see him yet. I just wanted to go about my day without the sharp pain that stabbed at my chest each time a memory was brought up of him. But if I acted out of the ordinary, he'd suspect something. If I skipped swim practice, he'd come to the one place where I could escape. I just had to keep it together.

"You're feeling better," he stated, pretending that he didn't care.

"I'm feeling a lot better. Plus, Mom wouldn't have let me stay home another day even if I wasn't," I told him with a slightly false chuckle.

He nodded a little, staring down. He wasn't ever a man of many words. But our bond over the years made none of that matter. I could guess what he was thinking and vice-versa. Now, I feel like my judgment is so clouded, and Haru has just changed. Maybe because I feel slightly betrayed. But I have to push those thoughts to the side. Because right now, Haruka Nanase won't ever be mine. And Rin Matsuoka is the obstacle in the way.

I shook my head and entered the classroom. I took my seat silently, and let myself daydream through classes.

Classes really dragged on but when they were over, I couldn't be happier. That was the time I got to swim. And swimming resulted in a world that I created. I didn't need to worry about Haru's presence when I was focusing on beating my record time. I would rather tire my muscles out and think about that pain than the pain this real-life mermaid has left me.

Jogging from the changing room in my full-length swim trunks, I immediately jumped into the pool. The freezing water pricked my skin like a thousand tiny needles. But I really didn't care, The water was acting as my savior right now,

"Makoto-Senpai!"

I heard a girl call out to me before I was engulfed in the presence of the chilly water. Honestly, I wanted not to be bothered by Gou Matsuoka right now. I know none of this was her fault, but I can't help but associate her with Rin every time I look at her. She bares such a striking resemblance to her older brother, and it's hard for me not to get upset, or furious. I can put on a brave face, but I can't stop the emotions inside.

I returned to the surface for air, my head dizzy with the sensation of the cold and the lack of air. It was so exhilarating.  
"Mako-Chan! That's not really like you, to jump right in the pool," the blonde Nagisa commented with a smile. "You must really want to swim today."

I nodded, running my hand through wet locks. "Yeah, I really want to try to improve my times," I answered breathlessly.

I could feel Haru's ocean blue eyes on me. But I didn't want to meet them. I _knew _damn well I was acting off. I was acting reckless. But did I care at thos moment? Not really.

I pulled myself out of the pool easily, placing on my cap and my green goggles. I was pumped. The chilly temp of the pool and the eagerness to push myself to swim was all I needed right now. I felt no pain, physical or emotional. I felt like I could do anything.

The relay proceeded as it normally did. And when it was my turn to react, I felt like I was right on point. I glided through the water on my back as a fish would. This felt so natural, this way of dealing with the pain. It was mostly the cold that had my blood flowing. I could feel my muscles working to push me through the water at a speed I never could have imagined. And yet I wasn't growing tired.

Once I reached the end, I was a bit sad that this trial was over. But I still pulled myself out of the water swiftly. I didn't want to watch Haru swim, in fear that the pain might return. So I just dried off and kept my back towards the pool.

Gou approached me with a smile on her face. "Your time really improved from last time, Makoto-Senpai! I'm impressed."

I turned to her halfway, smiling my signature smile. "Thank you, Gou." I ran a hand through my damp locks, and when everyone was out from the relay, I hopped back in the pool. I needed to feel the cold in my bones for a while longer.

When it was time to leave, I decided to stay a bit longer. "You guys go on without me. I'm going to practice some more." I stole a quick, yet painful glance at Haru. "If you see Mom, let her know I'll be home soon."

He nodded a little. He stood for a moment, watching me. But it was only for a quick second. After that, he turned to leave. We hadn't walked home since that day. I bet he knows I'm avoiding him.

I laughed painfully before returning to my swimming routine. At least I had this to keep me sane, until the day Haru finally told me about he and Rin's relationship. But until that day, I have this unwanted pain in my chest just from its existence.

**A/N: Chapter 2. I would love more feels and more just Makoto angst and tragedy, But I'm not sure when that will be. Maybe next chapter I'll start introducing some headcanons that I use for the Makoto I portray. We'll see. But till next time, love you! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Here is chapter three. I really appreciate your reviews, and everything. And it makes me want to continue this even more. So I'll leave this in this section. A Makoto headcanon, one that I use for my muse. I'll be leaving one per chapter until I run out of one or the other. Chapters or headcanons, whichever comes first. **

** Headcanon: Makoto isn't as cheery and jovial on the inside as he is on the outside. He takes his fear of the ocean very seriously, and has a serious fear of death as well. This phobia of death is linked to the fear of the ocean. This causes him to be severely depressed at times, and also a bit paranoid. But to keep his mind off of all the negativity, he swims. **

Saturday, a day that felt empty and meaningless without Haru. The emptiness returned, and since I swam so much the days prior, my muscles ached. I really regret pushing the pain away. But what can I do? It's all said and done now.

I pulled my phone out from under my pillow, and checked the time. Eleven in the morning. It was _definitely _time for me to get out of bed. I felt like I wasted most of my day just thinking about someone who would never be in my life. I'd have to accept the fact that they'd be my friend and that's that. I couldn't waste any more time, even if the pain paralyzed me at times. I had to smile and nod, as I always did.

I dragged myself out of bed, and slipped on a white t-shirt, and some black jeans. Sleeping in my boxers made dressing convenient.

I exited my room, yawning. I was so sleepy today. Maybe I needed to splash some water on my face or something. I shouldn't be _this _exhausted.

"Onii-Chan!"  
I smiled a little as the dynamic duo of my twin siblings latched onto me as they normally did. Their tiny hands grabbed onto my crisp, clean white shirt, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Ren, Ran, where's Mom?"

"She's in the living room with your friend," Ren answered, staring up at me with big brown eyes.

I blinked before asking, "Which friend is in the living room with Mom?" Panic started to build in my chest. I knew I was acting weird. I just hoped Haru hadn't come here to check up on me. I'd rather swim in the ocean than deal with him right now. I didn't want him to rip the gaping hole in my chest even further. I've had about enough of that just by seeing him in school and at practice.

Ran smiled a little. "Rin-Chan is here. We haven't seen him in so long, ne?"

I tried as hard as I could to keep my composure. The guy who was in my way was in my house, talking to my mother. I wanted to act like everything was fine, like I could keep that smile on my face. But this was too much. Maybe he had found out about my feelings and he was here to confront me, I'm not sure. But honestly, I wasn't happy about it.

I shrugged the twins off and entered the living room, seeing the redhead with my mom. "Oh, Rin. What brings you here?"

"Makoto, honey," my mom started. "Rin came here saying he had something urgent to talk to you about." Her eyes flickered with worry for a moment. "I'll go make you boys some snacks." She smiled a bit awkwardly and exited our comfortable living room.

"Makoto, mind if we take a walk? I have something to talk to you about," he mumbled, raking a hand through his red locks.

I nodded a little, heading towards the door. I slipped my shoes on, and my jacket hanging by the door. "Alright. Let's go then," I told him, flashing my smile as if his presence didn't affect me in any way.'

We left my house and walked down the road a little, the trees starting to recover from their nudity in the previous season. It was a beautiful sight, the trees coming back to life. But I really couldn't enjoy it. The air was thick with a tense aura. I could've probably sliced through it with a knife.

"So, Makoto, about what I wanted to say," Rin began awkwardly.

"What is it?"

"How can I tell Haru that I want to stay friends with him?" He quickly asked, like he was spitting out nasty medicine.

I huffed quietly, sticking my cold hands in my pockets. "Well, if I were you, I'd tell him honestly." I smiled a little. "I know it's not that easy, but in the end, Haru will thank you for being honest."

Rin smirked. "I knew I could count on you for this. You and Haru are joined at the hip. You'd definitely know how to handle any situation concerning him."

I chuckled dryly. If only he really knew. I was the one avoiding the waterbug right now. I didn't want to associate with him until my heart could stop hurting whenever I saw him. I couldn't depend on him for affection, for companionship. He wasn't always going to be there for me. He was going to eventually find a partner of his own. Why was I so delusional to think that partner would be me?

"Hey, thanks, Makoto. Really. This'll help me sort out the mess between Haru and me."

I nodded. "Yeah, no problem."

Yeah, this meant Rin and Haru weren't dating. But this still meant that Haru didn't have any feelings for me. Would he have slept with Rin if he did? I don't really think so.

I sighed, glancing up at the clear blue sky dotted with clouds. "Why don't you go talk to him, RIn? I'll be around here. I might walk for a little while longer."

Rin nodded. "I'll come back when I'm done. You just wait around here, okay?" He jogged off, down the path to Haru's house. Of course, it gave me a bit of hope since he was clearing things up, I suppose.

In the end, part of me knew that Haru couldn't and wouldn't love me. So I just walked and thought about the trees and the chilly temperatures for this time of year. But in the back of my mind, Haru stayed nestled there, torturing my every thought.

**A/N: Three is done! I may not get to four till the day after tomorrow even though I really want to update. We'll see. I love this fic so much, and I hope you guys like it too. And since I'm having trouble deciding, I'm putting up a poll to help me decide which pairing to use in this fic. You guys should go vote, Please xD Till next time, love you! **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So, I'm back with chapter 4. I will continue with some headcanons and the poll is still up, so vote for the pairing that's listed. owo **

** Headcanon: Makoto's first "kiss" was Haru. Although, as kids, a little peck on the lips wouldn't necessarily count since they were always together. That's what Haru thought. But Makoto always treasured that one little peck when he grew up to fall in love with his best friend.**

**Haru's POV**

It's strange how little human beings can care. Because when Rin confronted me, and told me our "dances" were nothing more than that, I wasn't shocked or hurt. I expected it, because that's what I was told from the get-go. I honestly didn't expect anything more to come from what we'd done. If I did, I know I'd get hurt. And that's the last thing I needed.

But enough about Rin. Makoto has been acting strange, even for him, for the past week. He hasn't even come to pick me up in the morning. It really seems like he's avoiding any contact with me. I don't think I've done anything to make him change his routine. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I was always in a hurry, always in a hurry to get to Rin's Samezuka dorm room after swim practice. Maybe I was expecting something to happen, until one day, it finally did.

Maybe Makoto knew. Maybe he knew I was going to spend time with Rin right after practice. No, that wouldn't drive my best friend away. He's fine with the other, Trying to figure out what's bothering Makoto is like solving the Rubik's cube. It's damn near impossible.

What if I stopped by his house... would he be there? I mean, Rin did just say he left there. So he should be at home. But if he wasn't, his mom would let me wait until he got home. I guess that would be alright.

I put on a sweatshirt over my light blue t-shirt, and a pair of shoes, and then walked slowly over to the Tachibana house. Ironically, Makoto was outside, drenched in sweat.

"Makoto."

He whipped his head around, like he'd been startled by a ghost. He even had an unsettled look to his face. It's like he wasn't calm, but all of that went away when he smiled.

"Oh. Haru. What brings you here?" He wiped the sweat from his forehead, turning his whole body towards me.

"I just wanted to stop by," I muttered. I wouldn't and couldn't ever reveal to the other how worried I'd been. Something he could do so gracefully is something that would come out of my mouth twisted. It was one thing I respected and admired about Makoto.

He nodded a little. "That's fine. I'm sure the twins would love to see you. It's been a while." He opened the door quickly, and invited me in.

"Haru-chan!"

Two pairs of tiny arms latched onto my torso. Ran and Ren, Makoto's younger siblings, grew up knowing me. I was like part of their family. I guess the times that I was away was difficult for them, like not seeing Makoto for an extensive amount of time.

"Where have you been, onii-chan?" Ran stared up at me with familiar green eyes. Because I was so caught up with Rin, I didn't have time to spend with the twins, or even Makoto for that matter. It was a bit upsetting.

"I've been busy, " I answered automatically.  
Makoto smiled sweetly at his siblings, the glanced at me for a moment. "You wouldn't mind if I took a quick shower, right?"

I shook my head. "Not really," I could stand a couple minutes with these two. He'd be back before I knew it.

His calm, emerald orbs lingered on me for a moment longer before he went off to shower. I didn't think much of it, since he was always looking out for me and making sure I was okay. It was pretty normal, but recently, he's been acting strange, and i wanted to get to the bottom of it.

"Onii-chan has been going on a lot of runs lately," Ren commented, his brown eyes displaying a bit of sadness.

"By himself?"

Ran nodded. "Well, this afternoon, he went on a run with Rin-chan."

I blinked. I wonder what Rin had to talk to him about, It had me curious, but of course I'd never ask.

"Mama was talking to daddy. And she said that onii-chan has been taking really long showers." Ren shrugged a little. Of course he didn't understand what that could mean, Makoto had a lot on his mind, and he wasn't telling any of us in the swim club about it.

I nodded in understanding, I knew what I had to do. I had to _make _Makoto talk, or else he'd be plagued by these thoughts until he broke.

The twins latched onto me more tightly, as I thought about how I'd approach Makoto's situation. He clearly had more than he could handle on his mind. And he was pushing himself to the limits, trying to handle it. He would ruin his body that way. I couldn't allow him to tear himself down while trying to build himself up at the same time. He'd lose to himself that way.

While I was in deep thought, I didn't notice that Makoto had returned from his shower. "Okay, now that I'm all clean. Do you want anything to drink, some tea, maybe?" He tugged at his pale green t-shirt, and fixed his gray sweat pants. He didn't look in pain at all, but that was the issue with my best friend. He could look fine, but be suffering on the inside.

I shook my head. "No tea. I just want to talk," I told him in a murmur.

He blinked, and tilted his head. "About what, Haru?"

"Well," I began, sucking in some air. "You've been acting strange all weak. And I know why."

**Makoto's POV**

Wait. Haru knew why I was acting the way I was? Was I that obvious. Dammit, everything was over for me. He was going to reject me to my face, and that's the last thing I wanted. I'd die of humiliation.

"Before you continue," I began a bit darkly. "Ran, Ren, go help Mom with dinner. I have to talk to Haru about something."

The twins blinked, and shrugged. They giggled a little before scurrying away to the kitchen. The smell of fresh miso soup came from that room, so I thought they'd have fun helping her with that.

I nodded towards Haru to continue.

"You've, well, had a lot on your mind," he told me, glancing away. "That's what everyone on the team has noticed anyway."

Haru was quick to try to cover up that he cared. I was glad it wasn't what I thought it was. But at the same time, I was pained that he couldn't see through all my shenanigans. If he did, I wouldn't have to speak up, and eventually tell him how I feel.

I forced a little laugh. "Haru, I'm okay. I'm only trying a tougher training regimen for myself. I don't have that much on my mind besides school."  
He looked like he wanted to say something else, but instead nodded a bit. "If you say so, Makoto.."

I smiled a bit. "Now, why don't you stay for dinner? Mom misses your company."

It was strange having him in my house like this. Probably because I'll never get my feelings across like this. We would be friends and nothing more. But as long as I could be by his side, watch him smile a little, the pain was becoming manageable.

**A/N: And chapter 4! I really appreciate all the reviews and all of you who read. I hope you all stay along for the ride. Until next time lovelies, love ya! **


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